Memories: What We Remember and What We Don't

Memories are interesting things!

I have long been fascinated by the process of memories and remembering, possibly because it's something we increasingly preoccupy ourselves with as we age.

Clearly, Not Clearly...

When we look back across our lives, however, I find it very interesting to consider what exactly it is we remember and what we don't. What is it that stands out?

And how many of those things are true memories — that is, things we actually recall — versus "implanted" memories that are the result of other people telling us stories from a particular time, or perhaps are the consequence of looking at old photographs.

And what are the things that settle in our minds? What causes a thing to "stick," but not another? Are they very specific like a particular smell or maybe a way you felt during a specific brief moment or are they more general like "I remember being in school and this-and-that town?"

Experience tells me that the kinds of things we remember very enormously from person to person.

And then there's that interesting thing called gaps in our memories or, as I sometimes like to call them, "potholes." These are the memories where we're pretty sure there should be something there but we just cannot bring up what exactly is is missing.

I've been sitting here, trying to very sincerely dredge up what my earliest direct memory is.

I'm pretty sure it is the sensation of texture and color of the natural Flagstone Pavers leading off the side of our outdoor terrace in the house where I was born and grew up in Denmark.

Experience vs. Photos

There was a point where the very smooth stone surface — polished sandstone, I think — of the terrace proper (where people would actually sit) gave way to the rougher flagstone walkway and there was a change in texture and a change in color from pale and uniform to stones that were reddish, slate colored and gray.

I remember I would crawl there and put my face right down to the ground where the cracks between the flagstones were because the little bits of moss that grew there seemed like tiny forest to me. I would have been about three or four at that time.

I know this is a direct memory because no phots of this space exist, and there's no reason for anyone to talk about it.

I "know" I flew on that helicopter when we visited New York in the 1960s, but I don't REMEMBER it. But I remember SEEING the helicopter from my Godfather's apartment

Inconsistent Recall...

Every now and then I run into areas where the structure of my memories don't make a lot of sense.

For example, I remember my school rooms and buildings which constituted grade school in Denmark fairly clearly. However, I don't remember hardly any of my schooling during the four years I went to an international school in Spain from ages 13 to 16. But then I fairly clearly remember the final two years of high school (equivalent) I spent at boarding school in the UK.

Similarly, I remember one of the rental houses where we lived in France very clearly, but I can't for the life of me recall the other one or in any way remember what it looks like on the inside and yet, both these places where we lived happened during similar parts of my life between the ages of five and eight, and we spent equal amounts of time at each, on two separate occasions at each.

Other strange gaps — or at least they seem strange to me — I can barely remember what the first Mrs. Denmarkguy (my ex, not my mother!), to whom I was married for nearly 13 years, looked like... but I can clearly remember a girl I dated in college for maybe three months.

So why do we remember what we remember so clearly, and why do we forget such obvious things so easily?

I'm sure many psychologists would start by asking whether there was trauma involved in any given situation because that always messes with your memory. But most of the uneven bumps in my memory arose under pretty similar circumstances.

And no, I wasn't "drunk or on drugs" either!

As an aside that likely has no bearing on any of this, I've always had a truly lousy short-term memory! I can't remember what I needed to get in the time it takes me walking from one room to another to get whatever it was I had to get. But much of the time I can tell you what Uncle John was wearing at the barbecue in 1973 to celebrate my dad's birthday!

I find it all rather fascinating and it's one of those things I'm always studying whenever I have a few minutes to think about such things. I find myself wondering how other people experience and think about their memories?

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great remainder of your weekend!

Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation! I do my best to answer comments, even if it sometimes takes a few days!

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Created at 2023-07-16 01:35 PDT
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