Reflection on a Memory: My Mind is Just not That Calm!

Creating a blog post can be an interesting experience... and challenge.

I have lots of ideas, but I often stop myself on the grounds that they are not very relatable.

Owning Who We Are, Part I

Which, in turn, leads to an internal philosophical discussion about "whose blog is it, anyway?"

My mind wanders back to a particular creative writing course I took while at University... where I discovered that fiction was never likely to become my bag in life because I lacked a certain something when it came to creating interesting characters.

They were invariably too calm, too at peace with themselves... and not filled with sufficient conflicts, phobias, rage, narcissism and suffering.

I could definitely write "sad" and "mildly depressed" really well, but that isn't exactly page-turning prose, is it?

Who are you writing for, anyway?

When I was a little kid, my peers were busy telling the world they wanted to become astronauts, veterinarians and firefighters, while I was telling the world that I wanted to grow up and "tell stories."

With the benefit of 50+ years of retrospect, I think that choice was mostly a reflection of having been raised in a "children MIGHT be seen, but they should definitely not be HEARD" environment... but quietly writing as a form of self-expression was perfectly acceptable.

But getting back to that University course, it helped me determine that becoming a novel writer was not in the cards for me.

Towards the end of the semester, our professor asked us what we felt we'd learned from his class, and if we had a better understanding of what sort of writing we wanted to direct our attentions to.

He had his own story, of course. Although a published novelist, he was better known for co-authoring a number of business management textbooks and he was mostly faculty in the Business School, not in the English department. I think he had some sort of "special dispensation" to teach our class because he was a very senior professor.

I was among the maybe 25-30% of the students who felt rather directionless.

"Whatever you choose, write what you KNOW!" was his final recommendation.

It's a question I still wrestle with — to some degree — all these years later.

What Do We KNOW?

What I know is how to pause and see the beauty in things. It's part of that whole "Zen mind" thing. Rage, torment, turmoil, anger, fear and all that stuff almost never comes across my scopes.

The title of this post is a reference to a conversation I had with someone about music and about how we navigate life. I shared some of my music and my approach to various life situations.

Her response was "My mind is just not that calm!"

I've often thought about these quite divergent memories, and sometimes another gets added into the mix... from the years after my first marriage ended and I was single and dating again. It was the very beginning of online dating sites and connecting in virtual space.

I was always trying to find someone gentle and peaceful, more than anything. Of course, all attributes we have as human beings have their flipsides, and even though that was my desire, my fear was the world discovering how truly boring I was.

Of course, several decades have passed since then and my "fears" were largely unfounded. As the famous Krishnamurti quote goes: "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

The fact that I had no chaos, rage and drama in my wheelhouse wasn't really my problem so much as a reflection of how damaged most human beings become, as a result of having to live on this planet.

So, What Do You Want to BE, When You Grow Up?

I don't really feel regret or loss at not having grown up to tell stories.

Although...

I do tell stories, don't I?

Years later, the question was more appropriately answered as "I want to be the on-site groundskeeper at a beautiful Zen-like retreat center." Seeing the beauty in things, and creating the framework within which others get to find their own peace and sense of beauty.

Thanks for reading, and have a great remainder of your week!

Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation! I do my best to answer comments, even if it sometimes takes a few days!

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Created at 2023-07-12 23:35 PDT
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