What We Say We "Value" and What We REALLY Value...

"Value" is such an interesting idea.

There are lots of things in life that we value. We value having a roof over our heads, we value having a good job, we value our family, we value a sunny day, we value being in love.

All in all, it's a pretty nebulous concept, if you start thinking about it!

The thing I often find frustrating in life is the fact that there's often a rather substantial gap between what people say they value, and what their actions tell us they really value.

There's something a little sketchy there; something you could almost call emotional dishonesty.

It's almost like that age old question we all ask: "how are you?" and the way we're always supposed to answer that we're doing fine because nobody actually cares how we're doing... they just mechanically say how are you because it's the done thing to say, when you see someone.

How often do we actually sit down and share with somebody how we really are, and they actually listen to how we are, and we actually have a meaningful exchange?

It's a bit of a rarity, if you ask me!

Earlier today, I had this random flashback memory of being in school in Denmark - in maybe 6th or 7th grade - where we covered this concept in one of our classes (maybe it was the Danish equivalent of civics), in which we discussed the term "being relevant to each other."

Essentially, it was a discussion of listening to each other and sharing each other's life beyond just the polite standardized exchanges we have always have... which are typically so mechanical we could as well be robots.

Which brings me back to the idea of value, and to the burning question of just how much (or how little) we actually value authentic connection with other people. To be honest, sometimes it strikes me that we are far too self-involved to value deep connection with other people.

Either that, or we put strict limitations around it, declaring that it's "improper" to feel, desire or express such connection with anybody unless they happen to be your spouse or partner.

Personally, I often experience value and people's claims of value firsthand in a rather dichotomous way.

For example, there are lots of people who say they "value" my art and think it's awesome and amazing and yada yada and on and on. But almost nobody values my art sufficiently to actually pull out their wallet and buy it. But they'd love to have it, if it were free.

Similarly, people say they value their friends, but it's so often just a one-way street in which we really value our friends when they show up on moving day and help us move couches and boxes into a moving van, but we don't value them so much when they're having a difficult time and need $50 to help pay their utility bill, or buy a tank of gas.

There is actually a measure of peace to be found in choosing consistency in what we value... words and deeds matching!

Be there for your friends, not just when you need something! Don't just say things, "to be nice!"

Thanks for stopping by and have a great week ahead!

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Created at 2024-03-11 01:55 PST
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