RE: All that glitters...

I had a chance to read your story, which is very well written and entertaining. The series of events that lead to the tragic conclusion are a great interpretation of the domino effect.

As the safe door swung open, he was grateful that his father was a creature of habit. He reached in and removed the gaudy holstered pistol, together with the loose bullets lying alongside it, and placed them carefully into his backpack before heading back out to his car. He had no idea what Jon-Jon's boss wanted with the gun, or how Jon-Jon had known where to find it, but he was in no position to question him. He owed him his life, and it was time to pay up. This would be the last of it. Then he would be free.

This scene is well crafted because by focusing on the small details, the reader's sense of time slows and creates a suspenseful moment. The plan goes sideways later, but that's what happens when the domino pieces fall one after the other.

Although there's crime and intrigue, the story has an introspective feel to it. You also kept the noir style consistent throughout the tale and this is a subtle but powerful skill.

🌃