Weekend Engagement - Are You Good To Yourself Or Good To Others?

Would you describe yourself as a good person and if so explain why with examples and how being that way has worked positively for you or to your detriment.

I was pondering about this topic and what struck me was there wasn't a scientific definition on what a good person means. Being a good person is quite subjective, because in reality, there will always be people who like you and think you are one, and there will also be people who dislike you and don't think you are one.

Eventually, I settled on two broad themes for the purpose of my post and the discussion.

Am I good to myself or good to others?

When I was younger, I was more of a people pleaser.

I had the view that everyone is nice and good, so I would often go my way out to help others, sometimes at the expense of my own personal well being or happiness. Among friends, I would reschedule my commitments to accommodate to their busy schedules or even eat food which I don't quite like because they wanted to go to a particular restaurant. Among colleagues, I was probably getting more work because I had a good smiley attitude and I wouldn't say no, so I became an easy "target" for work that might not be glamourous. As a result, in others' eyes, I was a good, helpful, nice person, a person that was "great to work with".

But over time, I reflected on whether I was good to myself.

I mean, we only live once, and at some point in time, I realised I was somewhat being taken for granted. I was too naive to think everyone in this world is nice, and that friends will always have my back and be there for me. I was also too naive to think that people in the workplace were just here to achieve the company's mission and objective, and there were no agendas or office politics going on.

In short, I grew up.

It wasn't an overnight change but I started making myself a priority. For example, if I didn't like something, I would just express my honest view instead of suffer quietly. I start to regard some of my personal time as sacrosanct, which could be stuff like me time to recharge and engage in my hobbies, or even exercise time. Of course, this change would definitely have some impact to my relationships with people in my life. People who have been "taking advantage" of me would definitely say negative things about me, but people who like and love me unconditionally, people who respect me as a friend, will respect, understand, and still be around.

To answer my question at the start, all I can say is I was good to others, and now I am good to myself. Of course, both can co-exist but there will always be one side which we will prioritise and put more weight on. And through this episode, I was able to cut away people who were just around to "make use" of me, and focus more time on people who really matter and accept me for who I am. So that's something positive from this experience!

And in line with Weekend Experiences, here's what I had this weekend! It was a croissant with sliced beef, cheese and mushroom, with fruit yoghurt and salad on the side. This was my second visit to this cafe but it was my first time trying the food. I didn't expect the serving to be so large but it was really delicious, which to be honest, was a little unexpected for a cafe! The price was a little on the steep side, but like what I shared in the post, I am good to myself these days, because who will pamper me if I don't do so myself? :P

With that, thanks for reading! Let me know if you have any thoughts in the comments below!